I am not a writer. I have even
said on many occasions that I cannot write to save my life. I want to prove
myself wrong. So, forgive my punctuation and grammatical errors as I am sure
everyone is a critic...
I am a mother of
two, a wife to my best friend and a ballet teacher. But, since it is our life,
well mainly the life of my daughter that I am trying to save, I am going to
give this blog a try. Friends said that it will help me to write it all down,
but mainly, I want to help and reach out to others. So here goes.
My beautiful,
magical, mysterious 11 year old daughter is an emetophobic. Yah, I had never
heard of it either until about a year and a half ago. My spell check cannot
even recognize it as I look at the little red squiggly line under it! But
believe me, or google it in if you want, it is very very real. Emetophobia is
an intense and irrational fear of vomit/vomiting. It is listed in Wikipedia as
the fifth most common phobia. She has lost 7 lbs since June, missed close to 3
weeks of school, afraid of food, afraid of her friends and afraid of us if we
don't wash our hands. All for the terrorizing fear that someone or something
may make her sick.
Why my daughter?
I have some ideas. She was kind of hard wired with anxiety as soon as she was
born. In the genes unfortunately. You know those babies you can never hand off
to anyone else without terrorizing cries, the ones that never sleep, the ones
that cry much more than those other babies who are quietly resting in their own
beds. That's my girl!
Born naturally in the water with a beloved midwife, she is our first child, the joy of our life (yes even with all of the above) that we just wanted to hold and comfort and protect. To the many discerning eyes in our families, we decided upon attachment parenting as the way to go. With lots of cuddles she slept in our bed and was carried by my heart in my homemade sling. We chose this method not only because I believed in it, but it was the only way to make her comfortable and happy. Sure, if I was willing to let my child cry it out for a year or two, maybe my life would be easier now, but I couldn't do it. We tried! The doctor even said "babies cry, that's what they do. Just let her cry it out." Really I thought? All day and night? Are you sure? After 9 months with that doctor, I just didn't trust him. We switched doctors and found out that our poor little girl was suffering. She had allergies! She was lactose intolerant! What? Why the other doctor didn't test for these things still sickens me. I look back and think of how I had to glue my child to me to make her feel comfortable when a simple diet change would have been sufficient and she would have been a happy independent child.
Born naturally in the water with a beloved midwife, she is our first child, the joy of our life (yes even with all of the above) that we just wanted to hold and comfort and protect. To the many discerning eyes in our families, we decided upon attachment parenting as the way to go. With lots of cuddles she slept in our bed and was carried by my heart in my homemade sling. We chose this method not only because I believed in it, but it was the only way to make her comfortable and happy. Sure, if I was willing to let my child cry it out for a year or two, maybe my life would be easier now, but I couldn't do it. We tried! The doctor even said "babies cry, that's what they do. Just let her cry it out." Really I thought? All day and night? Are you sure? After 9 months with that doctor, I just didn't trust him. We switched doctors and found out that our poor little girl was suffering. She had allergies! She was lactose intolerant! What? Why the other doctor didn't test for these things still sickens me. I look back and think of how I had to glue my child to me to make her feel comfortable when a simple diet change would have been sufficient and she would have been a happy independent child.
Undoing that glue
has been quite a challenge over the years. Starting in kindergarten and lasting
through 3rd grade we had a serious separation anxiety problem. I could not even
go to the bathroom by myself until we found a wonderful child psychologist. We
solved it and life was much better with our wonderful little only child who
enjoyed being the center of our world.
At the age of 7,
her comfy little life got really uncomfortable for her. Our son was
born. Surprise to us all! Especially to her. The anxiety began again showing
itself in lots of small ways. All things we could handle though with some extra
comfort and some raising of our voices when necessary. About 6 months after our
son was born, my husband and I decided we needed a change. We wanted a warmer
climate, a better/different job market for Fabrizio and I had a desire from me
to sell my ballet school and spend my time with my children. So, we made plans
and we moved to Miami in June of 2010.
Then, 5 months after our move, is when I learned that nothing we had ever been through with our daughter could compare to a sudden bout of food poisoning...
Then, 5 months after our move, is when I learned that nothing we had ever been through with our daughter could compare to a sudden bout of food poisoning...
