The day finally arrives for our 4
hour evaluation at the UM clinic. I feel a small sense of relief that things
are now starting to be put into place. The clinicians spend about 2 hours with
our daughter and another 2 hours with my husband and me. Basically just trying
to narrow down the problem and come up with a more specific diagnosis. For a
while it was a mishmash of generalized anxiety disorder, separation anxiety, a
specific phobia and now OCD with all of this hand washing business. The
appointment ends and we leave there exhausted from all of their questions. I
have an appointment for the following week to hear their feedback and hopefully
a treatment plan.
In the meantime,
we are struggling with school and her daily ailments. One day she had convinced
herself she had salmonella poisoning because we had chicken for dinner the
night before. Ugh, another missed day of school. I am now getting automated
emails every day from the school about missing classes and grades.
Our appointment with the psychiatrist arrives and she is so wonderful. She sees that I am terrified of medication and she explains that she is very conservative. After talking with my daughter and myself, she absolutely sees the need for some medication. She explains that they take about 3-6 weeks to show any effects.
She hands me the prescription and my eyes well up with tears. It is half of the usual pediatric dosage so I am a bit at ease. We then go see Dr. T the same day so she can work with her on actually taking the medicine. That is a huge problem I forgot to mention earlier. She will not take medicine of any kind. She is afraid she will gag and throw up. A recent visit to the ER for an asthma episode turned into a nightmare when they had to give her injections because she refused the medicine. One doctor and three nurses had her in a panic trying to get her to take medicine. They realized I spoke the truth when they finally gave up for fear of her having a serious panic attack and possibly harming them or herself. Crazy scene! Anyway, Dr. T gets her to be able to crush up a tiny pill and put it in some applesauce. It takes them a good half an hour, but Dr. T is able to accomplish the nearly impossible. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I will not have a battle at home when it is time for the meds.
Our appointment with the psychiatrist arrives and she is so wonderful. She sees that I am terrified of medication and she explains that she is very conservative. After talking with my daughter and myself, she absolutely sees the need for some medication. She explains that they take about 3-6 weeks to show any effects.
She hands me the prescription and my eyes well up with tears. It is half of the usual pediatric dosage so I am a bit at ease. We then go see Dr. T the same day so she can work with her on actually taking the medicine. That is a huge problem I forgot to mention earlier. She will not take medicine of any kind. She is afraid she will gag and throw up. A recent visit to the ER for an asthma episode turned into a nightmare when they had to give her injections because she refused the medicine. One doctor and three nurses had her in a panic trying to get her to take medicine. They realized I spoke the truth when they finally gave up for fear of her having a serious panic attack and possibly harming them or herself. Crazy scene! Anyway, Dr. T gets her to be able to crush up a tiny pill and put it in some applesauce. It takes them a good half an hour, but Dr. T is able to accomplish the nearly impossible. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I will not have a battle at home when it is time for the meds.
My feedback
appointment at the clinic is a couple days later. I sit down with the doctor
and she tells me that the diagnosis they agree upon is the Specific Phobia of
Vomit. They will keep their eyes open for OCD and separation anxiety, but they
believe that those are just symptoms of the phobia. It all sounds quite logical
to me. I am so impressed with this doctor. She has a way of explaining things
to me that is so clear and easy to understand. She then explains the treatment
plan. Intense daily exposure therapy for about 4 hours each day. She will need
to be out of school for two weeks straight. My head is spinning because I am
wondering how on earth she will catch up on all of this missed school. I am
also thinking about our trip to MA the following week to spend Thanksgiving
with my family. How is this all going to work?!
Then, because my head was not spinning enough, she tells me the price. I didn't even have any words and I just start to cry. My life is so upside down right now. We Moved to Miami to save money! My husband is struggling to make his new real estate career become profitable. We are spending money on private school for our daughter that is not in our budget because our local public school is not a safe place and out of the question. I have a weekly psychologist fee and now a psychiatrist fee as well as medication to pay for. I have a 14 yr. old chocolate lab at home who is waiting for me to take him to the vet to fix an eye infection we have been ignoring. And now this! Way more $$ than I was expecting. At least the sale of my ballet school is paying our rent for a while.
The doctor gives me a few moments to call my husband and talk it over with him. Of course we both realize that our life cannot go on as is and we will have to accept this therapy option. I sign the papers and feel a knot in my stomach. It is so hard not to look at our daughter as this child that is making our daily lives miserable and our finances dwindle. It is a terrible feeling to have a hard time loving the very thing you should be loving the most.
Then, because my head was not spinning enough, she tells me the price. I didn't even have any words and I just start to cry. My life is so upside down right now. We Moved to Miami to save money! My husband is struggling to make his new real estate career become profitable. We are spending money on private school for our daughter that is not in our budget because our local public school is not a safe place and out of the question. I have a weekly psychologist fee and now a psychiatrist fee as well as medication to pay for. I have a 14 yr. old chocolate lab at home who is waiting for me to take him to the vet to fix an eye infection we have been ignoring. And now this! Way more $$ than I was expecting. At least the sale of my ballet school is paying our rent for a while.
The doctor gives me a few moments to call my husband and talk it over with him. Of course we both realize that our life cannot go on as is and we will have to accept this therapy option. I sign the papers and feel a knot in my stomach. It is so hard not to look at our daughter as this child that is making our daily lives miserable and our finances dwindle. It is a terrible feeling to have a hard time loving the very thing you should be loving the most.
We end the
meeting with the fact that we have to look at our schedules and come up with a
start date. I need to think long and hard about this because I am
supposed to be on a plane with the kids in a week and a half. This would
mean that we cannot start therapy until 2 or 3 weeks from now. I honestly think
we will not make it another 2 weeks without some serious help. She is losing
weight daily and it's getting medically dangerous. So I get on the phone and
start begging the airline to allow me to change my ticket and not have to pay
any fees. I cannot afford anymore fees! They are so kind as I tell them our
story. They waive all fees and give me travel vouchers for the full amount I
paid. Thank you American Airlines!
I call my family
back in MA. My sister had a feeling this was what would happen and she was very
supportive. My Mom was amazing, too. She was scared for her granddaughter’s
health and cried with me on the phone. I can imagine it must be hard to hear
all this from far away and not being able to see the daily struggles we have
and how we are dealing with things.
I think no one in my family really understood how serious this all was until now. I call the doctor back and let her know that I have cleared our schedule for the next two weeks and we are ready to start on Monday, November 12th.
I think no one in my family really understood how serious this all was until now. I call the doctor back and let her know that I have cleared our schedule for the next two weeks and we are ready to start on Monday, November 12th.
