Monday, January 7, 2013

23: A New Year!

    We are back from Italy. It was a wonderful trip. My daughter and I are both another year older. She is so excited to be 12! Her favorite number for some reason. I am now 40. I can't even believe how the time has flown. Everyone had been asking me if I was dreading the big 4-0. I had no trouble turning 40. I am just glad I survived 39! Good bye to the crappiest year of my life!
    She continued to improve and faced many challenges that she would not have been able to a few months ago. The plane trip was a breeze for her even with all of the coughing and sneezing. On the way home the other day, there was even a woman throwing up on the plane. She was a bit nervous and studied this woman every time she walked past to go throw up in the bathroom, wondering why she could be throwing up. She coped well with it and didn't ask me any questions.
    This was not the only throw up incident she faced. Not only did she cope with the vomit on the street after New Year's Eve, but she survived her brother throwing up. He got a cold and had so much mucous in him that he gagged and threw up. She knew it was going to happen and got scared and went to another room. Silly me flushed it right down the toilet instead of making her come and help me. She asked me after why I didn't let her see it. It was just an automatic response on my part. She handled it amazingly though. She was nervous and jittery, but she wanted to know what it looked like and actually wished she had seen it. 
     She wouldn't kiss me goodnight though, for fear of catching a stomach bug and kept her distance. Said she was not ready for that yet. She was amazed at how calm I was. She asked me why I was not scared. I simply explained that her brother is sick and needs my help. If I get sick too, it will pass and we will all be fine. There is nothing we can do about it, so why freak out. I went to bed and left her with her thoughts. She stayed up late reading and fell asleep without being that needy child she was a few months back. 
    She has learned so many coping skills these past two years, but was never able to apply them. Now, having been so strongly forced to use her skills with Dr. G at the clinic, they have now become automatic. 
     I am amazed. I can't even believe what we went through to get to this point. I am so happy that we did not back out of the clinic. We almost did twice, but were talked into putting our trust in Dr. G. I will never forget the tantrums and the trashing of our house and the threats of her wanting to killing herself. And look where we are now.  A new year, another year older, and life is happy again!
   We are back to the clinic tomorrow for a one hour visit. She is not scared anymore to go. She is still nervous, but not terrified. She now just wants to get over the vomit work because she is disgusted by it. Not scared, just disgusted. A more normal response I think. She thinks Dr. G is going to make her touch vomit tomorrow and she says she is ready for it. She has been thinking about it during our entire trip to Italy. She says she wants to do it to get it over with. I guess we will find out tomorrow...