11: First Week of Intensive Therapy Finished

  

    It is now Friday, November 15th. It is a pretty horrible day. She is mad and argumentative about everything and I cannot get her to do anything. She is supposed to be washing hands less, going out into public, opening doors, going into public bathrooms, spinning in a chair, and a whole host of other tasks. I cannot even get her out of the house. And, she keeps having episodes where she says she is afraid to be alone because she thinks about killing herself.
    Dr. G calls us in the morning from the airport to check on things. She says she will call us again when she returns to Miami so we can talk more. I am so happy that she calls us frequently. She is my sanity right now. My husband is getting ready to leave for the island the next day and I am a mess. He has offered numerous times to cancel his trip, but I won’t let him. He is going with a good friend of ours, and they would both lose their money. I am thinking I can handle things. I always have in the past, although, I am a bit worried this time. I am also hoping that the medicine she is on will start kicking in soon...
    Dr. G calls us when her plane lands and decides that we come in for a bit so we can have a clear plan for the weekend. We show up at the clinic and she whips out a notebook full of ideas for us that she had been writing in during her flight. I am feeling that our money is really being put to good use. I didn't think anyone would put this much effort into helping us. Not only does she have a clear plan about completing some specific tasks, but more importantly, we talk about my daughter and her thoughts and words about suicide. 
   They had this conversation together before and she admitted that she was saying these things, not because she was planning on doing anything, but mainly because she felt completely out of control. She learned other ways to say she needed a break or she was feeling out of control. And, we learned before that if she talked about killing herself again, we would have to take her to the ER. 
   We knew she was not going to, and we did not take her when she would slip and say something. So Dr. G came up with a contract that we all had to sign. Basically saying that my husband and I must take her to the ER the moment she says it again. She explained to her that this is a very serious thing to say. If she means it, she needs to say it, but if she does not, she needs to find other words. She told her the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf and was very clear to the two of us how serious this is. We signed it, brought it home for my husband to sign, and put it on the bulletin board in clear view.

    Knowing the horrible week we have had, and the fact that my husband is leaving in the morning, our friends offer to come over to watch the kids so we can have a quiet dinner out together. They are husband and wife, our very dear friends, and like second parents to our kids. 
    I would love to say our dinner was romantic and relaxing, but we are both stressed out beyond belief. He is worried about leaving me for the week and I am simply distraught about our daughter. Not to mention we find out, during our dinner, that a friend has just died a horrible death on the island he is about to travel to. 
    As stressed as we are, it was really nice to be together away from the house. We have just celebrated 16 years of marriage and I love this man more than I have words for. But, it feels like our daughter is tearing us apart at times. It is often hard to be on the same page about how to deal with her and how to deal with our emotions.