14: Exposure to Vomit!

We arrive in the morning for what is supposed to be another 3 hour session. Dr. G tells me that the director of the clinic wants to have a meeting with me around lunch time so we can talk more about the therapy and what to expect as far as seeing any change in my child. I arrive for the meeting and am planning on taking her home afterwards so we can go pick up my son from preschool. 
The director takes me upstairs to her office and we have a nice conversation. She mentions that she just prepared the vomit that my daughter is about to be unknowingly exposed to downstairs with Dr. G. She tells me about how she has done this many times in the past and it works. It takes longer with younger kids like her, but it does in fact work. She really makes me want to believe in this therapy and I agree to stay in it until the end. She tells me the goal for next week is to have her start going to school in the mornings for a bit and then coming to the clinic in the afternoons.
    Our meeting is finished and she finally looks at her phone that has been vibrating ferociously during our meeting. She looks concerned as she realizes she has a million texts from Dr. G because my daughter is freaking out downstairs. Dr. G had walked her into a bathroom where there was the vomit set up in one of the stalls. She sees it and throws Dr. G out of the way. She is now in the hallway downstairs yelling for me. Yelling like no one has ever heard her yell. She is threatening to hurt herself and is irate. The director tells me to take the back stairs out of the building, go pick up my son, go home and wait for Dr. G to call me.

    I do as told, putting all of my trust in them. I wait at home watching TV with my son in my bed. I am worried and want to call them, but I leave it in their hands. I send Dr. G a text telling her that she has not eaten anything besides half a Luna bar today. She may be hungry. She sends me a text saying that she wants me to understand that she is VERY upset and she will text me when they are ready for me. I was supposed to take her from there at 1:00. It is now 4:00! She finally texts me to come.
    I get there with my son and they are in the waiting room talking. She looks awful. Tired and colorless. She gives me a big hug and then stays in the waiting room while her brother and I go with Dr.G to talk. I set him up in the corner with my ipad and he quietly plays. Thankfully he is the easiest kid in the world and he just lets us talk.
    Dr. G looks exhausted. "Welcome to my world" I say. She tells me step by step what happened. How she was able to witness all the mental and physiological signs that my husband and I had seen in the past. Although this was worse than we ever witnessed. She tells me how she yelled and screamed in the halls for me. How she had to sit on her phone to prevent my child from taking it to call me. And how she finally was just able to sit with her and wait until it all passed. I am in shock that she was that distraught. I am glad that Dr. G was able to see all of that and I am amazed at how a fear of something can turn someone into that.
    We finish talking and she goes to get my daughter. We need to all meet again in the same room they had been in for the day before we can go. The room still has a cup of the vomit in the corner and she spots it. After Dr. G was able to get her near it earlier, she will now not come into the room. She starts up again and is telling me to come out of there. She says it smells bad. I honestly don't even smell anything. She says needs to talk to me in private. Her voice is getting louder and she is shaking. She goes back to the waiting room. 
    Dr. G explains to me how now that I am here, she is going to need to get my attention and need me to rescue her. The goal is for us to get her back in the room and sit down and talk about the day and any homework. She instructs me to go tell her: "when you are ready to come sit in the room, we will talk and then go home." Nothing more and no responding to any questions. I do that and when she tries to engage me, I walk out and head back to the room. This is my exposure therapy now. She keeps coming outside the room and begging me to come out. "Do you know what Dr. G is doing to me?!" she yells. Dr. G whispers to me to ignore. She does a series of coming and going in the hallway and trying to engage in conversation with me. Dr. G is coaching me on what to say and when. I am instructed to give her one more reminder "as soon as you come in and sit, we can start the meeting and then go home." Then I have to ignore. Dr. G and I are engaging with my son. Listening to him sing songs from school and just trying to show my daughter that we are going on without her and we can wait as long as she needs.

    It takes an hour! But, we do it! Holy shit! It really works! I am so glad that I had this coaching because now I know what I have to do at home. And this is the first time I ever see it work. I just never gave it long enough. Dr. G jokingly tells me later that she even thought to herself where we would all sleep in the room it if took that long to get her back in. So we have our little meeting and my daughter talks really quickly about the day so she doesn't breathe in any vomit germs too much. She has to go out of the room a few times to breathe. Drama!
    We are able to leave on a good note after some chatting and she tells me all about her day in the car. She is talking differently now. She is not angry. She is actually talking like she feels a bit of accomplishment. I am amazed. I let her shower and wash her hands and pick out prizes and let her know how proud of her I am. She calls our good friend and tells her all about the day, too. We talk about Thanksgiving at our friend's  house tomorrow and how she will be going to school for a couple of hours on Monday before we go to the clinic.
    We have a good couple of days, with a few bumps and battles here and there. I feel confident in my new found ignoring skills. I am confident that I now know what and when and how to say certain things and I can see it working. It's like trying to break down a wild animal before you can train them. She is starting to lose her control over me and I am winning the battles.