24: Back to the Clinic after the Holidays

    It is Tuesday, January 8th. I pick up my daughter from school a bit early so we can get to the clinic for our first appointment of the new year. She has convinced herself that today is the day she will have to touch the vomit. She wanted to practice last night and asked me to chew up some dinner and spit it in a bowl so it would look like vomit. I have no problem doing that. We laugh and make it quite silly. 

     I do a great job and she is utterly disgusted at what really looks like vomit. My husband touches it and she gets her brother to touch it, too. It takes her about 15 minutes, but she finally dips her finger right in. Yay! She decides she needs a prize from the box for that. She picks out some nice electric blue nail polish and we finish the evening together watching TV and painting her nails.

    For today's visit with Dr. G, she calls us both in. My daughter tells her that she is cured! She tells her all about our trip and about all of the vomit we saw. Dr. G jokes that she has international connections for setting up vomit. I think she actually believes her a tiny bit... I have honestly never seen so much random vomit in these past 2 months than I have in my entire life! Makes this quote I found not long ago feel quite true: "Life will give you whatever experience is most needed for the evolution of your consciousness."

    Dr. G tells her that the container of vomit is in the room somewhere and she has to find it. She hesitantly looks around and finds it under the couch. She takes it out with shaky hands and puts it on the table. Dr. G tells her to open the container. She is carefully opening it with her jittery hands trying not to spill it. I am thinking that she is going to do as she planned in her head, and just stick her finger right in. It doesn't happen though. Dr. G tells her eventually, that is the goal. But for today, she is told to put drops of it on my hand with the coffee stirrer Dr. G gives her. Oh the things we do for our kids!

    She is really hesitant. She says she feels bad for me. I tell her that I don't care if she puts it on me. Although, I am hoping she doesn't get any of those green spinach looking pieces on me...

     As she is decorating my palm with vomit drops, Dr. G is talking to us about how amazing she is doing. She explains how her job is to get herself out of a job when a client is all better. But, before she determines that, we need to make sure that all aspects of her life are better. She also talks a bit about the theory of over correcting a problem to be sure it is fixed. Hence, the touching of vomit. Not something we generally need to be able to do.

    Dr. G asks us a lot of questions to make sure that the separation anxiety and the obsessive compulsive behaviors have also gotten better. She is quick to say yes, but I point out that she is still washing her hands too much. It is a whole lot less than before, but still too much. Dr. G can tell I am right just by looking at her hands. 

    Her weight is also still an issue. She has gotten up to 61 lbs, but is generally hanging out around 60. She was 65.5lbs before school began in August. She is eating more and it probably takes a while to put that weight back on, but she is too skinny. Dr. G asks me to call our doctor and find out her ideal weight. 

    We then talk about the goals to meet for homework. In addition to eating more, washing hands less (including not washing before dinner if we are using utensils) and starting to talk about a future boat ride, Dr. G mentions that she still needs to go to Denny's eventually. She asks if she thinks she is ready for that. She says she thinks so. Dr. G asks me if I think she is ready and I say that I think she can do it. She offers to be the one to go with her if she thinks she will have trouble with the task, but she seems confident. She does not want her to fail this one and really makes sure she knows she may not escape once she walks into Denny's. Now most people I know, myself included, would probably not go back to a restaurant that made you sick. But, this is part of the over correcting theory I guess and really being able to conquer the very thing that has conquered her for the past 2 years.

Denny's, less hand washing, boat ride & find goal weight

   Dr. G writes down the homework for us and we make our appointment for next week. Dr. G asks me if I have any more thoughts and I simply say that I am just amazed at how well she is doing.

    The next day is our appointment with the psychiatrist. She is also amazed at how well she is doing. Remember that a month ago, she was agreeing with me that maybe we should stop this therapy because she does not seem ready to be pushed this hard. She is now with me in being a true believer in exposure therapy.

She wants very much to be able to talk with Dr. G, so she asks me for her phone number again. She and the director of the clinic played phone tag for a while about a month ago and then they both gave up. She wants to be able to decrease her medicine in a couple of months which I am all for, but she wants to talk more with Dr. G about everything. 

    My Mom was right. After a phone conversation with her about a month ago in which I was completely distraught and feeling like I couldn't live like this anymore, she told me "it will pass." Someone told her that many years ago when she was going through a rough time, and she always remembered those three simple words... "It will pass."